You know, I have so many crackpot conspiracy theories that it's
getting to the point where if I say aloud "You know, I have
a theory" everyone yells and runs screaming from the room.
Well, it is nice to occasionally hear about a crackpot theory
that was invented by someone else. Case in point: trephination.
I'm not sure who originally came up with this idea but I believe
it's been around for ages. I read an article somewhere about self-trephination,
which is the act of drilling holes in one's own head. The theory
was that it was good for you. Supposedly, the natural holes one
has in the head when born closeup, limiting your mental and psychic
abilities or something riduculous like that. So you are supposed
to drill a hole in your head to remedy the situation. I became
slightly obsessed with trephination for a while, composing the
following little ditty:
If it makes you happy, drill a hole in your head.If it makes you happy, even if it makes you dead.
Well, imagine my surprise, when out of the blue, who else should become obsessed with trephination? My sister! She did not read that article on it, and I had not yet told her about my newfound fascination with trephination. Somehow, even without holes in our heads, my sister and I both became fascinated with trephination at the same time! Isn't that bizarre? Jessica called me one day and and told me that she started taking pictures of a trephine for a school project. To her surprise, I knew exactly what a trephine was. Jess was kind enough to send along some pictures of a trephine and wrote this fine ode to trephination:
This is a trephine, it's really cool.
It's quickly become my favorite medical tool.
And every night now before I go to bed
I'm thankful that I don't have a trephine hole in my head!
Now,you are probably wondering how trephination fits in with Temple of Sting. Here's where my new theory comes in. How are we supposed to remedy the fact that Sting secretly conrols the universe with his evil powers? Well, of course the bees are doing all they can and are making great strides. But now I am thinking that perhaps Sting could be captured and then we could trephinate him. It's certainly worth a try. Things can't get any worse than they already are. Well, there is a small chance that he might escape after trephination, become a proponent of it, start writing bad songs about it, and start a Trephination Foundation. He would have huge benefit concerts to raise funds to trephinate underpriveleged children in third world countries. "Sting's Trephination Foundation." A word to the wise: Don't let Sting drill any holes in your head.
